Ineptitude

Hey everybody!

Sorry about last week not including anything on the blog. (Or should I say you’re welcome?) Well I had some business to take care of. That business was to take a stroll down memory lane or more specifically take a drive down 13th in Fargo and 8th in Moorhead, MN. 10 years ago I was finishing up my education up there and was surviving in my meal plan that I’m still paying for and ramen. At the end I literally ate ramen every time my meal plan ran out even though I had 2 jobs. Then I moved home and lived in my parent’s basement. The End.

What was also happening ten years ago Denny Green was finishing up his tenure at the Minnesota Vikings after a 5-11 season. We beat the Packers 35-13 once that year with someone named Doug Chapman running the ball and Daunte Culpepper taking or fumbling the snaps with his incredibly small hands.

Thinking about what the future would be after Denny Green, no one may have guessed that ten years later the franchise would have gone through 3 coaches, numerous scandals(someone with Randy Moss and some without), Brett Favre being QB for the Packers and repeatedly schooling us except for 1 playoff game which is now only remembered because Randy Moss became a mime after a decisive touchdown, then Favre became our QB, got piledrived, suplexed, and DDT after the play was over and took us to a field goal to go to the Superbowl, decided he couldn’t run 5 yards and then it was all over. Now we have to face the defending Superbowl champions, with Asher Allen (because Chris Cook is 6 foot 2 inches of idiot) trying to stop the Packers 7 wide receivers who get the ball, with a rookie quarterback playing his first game, while the state struggles to decide whether to build the team a new stadium while the NFL says get a stadium or the team will probably move to LA.

In no way am I compulsively eating chicken and oriental flavored ramen repeatedly while listening to “Drops of Jupiter” and “Lady Marmalade” over and over on a black and white screened Ipod with a v - neck Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirt on. Is it too late to sign Doug Chapman?

I wanted to talk stadiums as there is a chance all this hand wringing will be done and the LA Vikings will play the San Diego Chargers twice a year. It’s an interesting discussion as you look back at other stadium deals in the last decade and how some insight from the NBA can add a different perspective to how we talk about it. The main sentiment here is no taxpayer should have to pay for a private business especially in an American economic equivalent to M. Night Shyamalan’s last 3 movies (recent pop culture reference!)  because the American people have decided to simultaneously treat their money either like Gordon Gekko (80s reference!), Latrell Sprewell (90s!), or Lenny Dykstra (80s and 90s!). For those of you playing the Superbowl Shuffle pop culture reference drinking game you are now drunk. Pretend reader, do not blame me for playing a game that no one could have possibly invented that fictionally inebriated you based on my delusions. The American economy sounds like this right now:



ANYWAY, we’ll talk stadiums later.


Since I didn’t have a Week 6 preview and I got a lot of calls, emails and letters asking for one. Here it is:

Week 6:

Kardiac Kidz vs Bangers - The Kidz will make their run starting today as they have Miles Austin back against questionable NE defense and a promising Victor Cruz seems to be the leading receiver in NY. The Bangers lineup...I mean look at it....yuck...50 points max this week.

Big Ben’s Lifecoaches vs Mono Peligroso : the Lifecoaches are need to get to .500 but Ahmad Bradshaw will be shut down this week so the hope is that Chad Ochocinco travels back in time and switches places with Chad Johnson from 2005 to help the cause. On the other side expect Peyton Hillis to have a breakthrough game. Being on the cover of Madden seems to inspire those players to greatness the next year.

Team Boy’s Club vs Brookdale Mall - This is my choice for the highest scoring game of the week as Brookdale Mall has running backs that are playing tough defenses and Boys Club running backs have the chance to score big against easy defenses. Expect James Starks and Adrian Peterson to have big games. It’s gonna be a blowout one way or another.  

Rain Dancer vs Big Blows - Rain Dancer is on a 3 game winning streak and needs Eli Manning, who is definitely better than Mark Sanchez, to have a big game because Fred Jackson and Frank Gore have some tough matchups. The Big Blows have their best lineup out there as Jordy Nelson and Jonathan Stewart look on their way out.

Fumble/Mumble vs Team Kent - Losing Chris Johnson to bye week will be difficult for Fumble/Mumble but Team Kent is inadvisably starting Rashard Mendenhall who is hurt and probably won’t do much this week. Should be a close game.

So hear is a Week 7 look:

Big Blows vs. Fumble Mumble: The future father in law vs the future son in law. Does the son in-law let his father in law win to gain favor? What will happen to the engagement if the father in law loses?  Is there a mysterious person making moves for father in law behind the scenes? Do the women involved in this situation even care? This would make for the worst romantic comedy movie ever. I’m gonna call it “The Waiver Wire.”

Team Kent: Big Ben’s Life Coaches - Kent is projected for 133 and Lifecoaches 75. Is 133 even possible without Brady? Is it possible for CJ Spiller to make history by being on a bye week and still scoring points? We will see.

Mono Peligroso vs. Team Boys Club - Vick’s on a bye and Hillis is out. It’s now up to Doug Baldwin and Jackie Battle to come through for Peligroso. That is the first time anyone has said that sentence ever. Boys Club has 6 normal starters on bye this week so Drew Brees and Adrian Peterson will need to dominate the points and hopefully someone else will step up.

Brookdale Mall vs. Kardiac Kidz - Brookdale’s on a 3 game winning streak but has some unproven running backs in this weeks and looks to be over .500 against a struggling Kidz team that was hurt by their #1 pick being out for the year Week 2. Will someone on the Kidz make a move to save this team? Will there be a trade or a Waiver Wire pick up to turn this around?

Levanger’s Bangers vs. Rain Dancer - I’m gonna go ahead and say that these 2 don’t like each other. I’m gonna go ahead and say that after this week is over these 2 will meet somewhere halfway in the Twin Cities and shake hands like Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz did last week. Which one will untuck their shirt? Which one will uncomfortably bump shoulders with the other and transfer all the blood platelets in their body to their face? I like to imagine that when they meet after this week they will both be wearing headsets and khakis.

I'm going to end this as one of my sons is sitting next to me and reading a book that has "Lonely" in big letters in the title. Have a good week!