2013 Week 12

Flipping through the channels this week I noticed something that blew my mind. Eddie Murphy was on a talk show. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Eddie Murphy in something that wasn’t a terrible movie. Here’s what’s even weirder, the set looked exactly like the Arsenio Hall show...because it was the Arsenio Hall Show. The set had the couches instead of the desk, the band was still where it always was, and the there was still a Dawg Pound. It was almost like this show has been around the last 20 years much like Leno and Letterman have been. The interview was actually very entertaining and you could tell they were good friends by how comfortable they were with each other.

But then subsequent interviews showed the real thing. You can only have so many friends as guests. You can only get the crowd to go “Woof! Woof!” and do that index finger high five thing so many times. When you’re cool and confident you can interview people with only an ottoman in between you. When you lean in too far and overlaugh like you’ve downed 7 Red Bulls, you start to think talk show hosts have desks for a reason. It led me to think, remember when Arsenio was the best talk show host in the world?

It was only for 5 years but he was.

Arsenio came in at a time when culture was changing. Whether it was changes to the political, racial, gender, health, musical or fashion landscape, it was all changing rapidly during the 5 year period Arsenio was on. Whether it was AIDS awareness or the LA riots, Arsenio was the talk show young people went to to see relevant guests talking about these issues rather than ignoring them.

Add to the fact Carson and Letterman were so vested in the audience of 35 and up viewers they would never take the risk of inviting cutting edge celebs at the time which young audiences would only be interested in. Celebs such as MC Hammer, Andrew Dice Clay, Mike Tyson, Jason Voorhees, Vanilla Ice, Snoop Dogg, Sam Kinison, WWF wrestlers, 2Pac and presidential candidate Bill Clinton were often overlooked initially by the bigger networks but proved to be a “must see” for younger audiences.

It seemed like anything could happen. Sometimes it was planned and sometimes it wasn’t. Here’s a link to some of the random things that happened. Some of  these would never happen on a talk show again:

http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/arsenio-hall-show-top-late-night-moments/story?id=16604430#

I was only 11 when he started but remember foregoing NBA games, MLB games, MTV (back when it was actually music), and anything else during that time to watch the show on the weekends. Did I live in a small town, have a mullet and double rimmed glasses? Did I wish I had a fade haicut, gold chains, and gold parachute pants? Yes and yes.

In fact I was convinced my ticket to becoming the most popular kid in my school was if I wrote a letter to MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice and they held a concert on the wooden stage in the school’s gym and then invited me up on stage to dance with them...that didn’t happen.

OK enough fun talking about the 90’s I could do remember when about this constantly (Like remember when Coolio was a legitimate artist, had #1 hits and even won a Grammy? Can you imagine him next to Jay Z or any other legenday hip hop artist today?) but let’s to a fantasy football remember when. Like remember when Ray Rice was a top 3 starter? Remember when Ryan from “The Office” was indestructible and didn’t have a creepy mustache Creepy ? Remember when the New England Patriots were an offensive juggernaut and had character guys on their roster? Remember when we all drafted a bunch of running back as if they would dominate scoring this year? Remember your opening day lineup? Opening Day

Much like life and late night talk shows, the only constant in fantasy football is change. I’m sure there are plenty of remember when’s from this year and others. Here’s to you rolling with the changes and hoping a few breaks go your way to end the season.

Please see the Power Rankings below. This week the Blows took over the top spot by beating the Pickles and clinching a playoff spot. Last week could be a preview of the championship game.

We’ll also see some teams clinch soon as you can see the magic numbers (number of wins and final playoff spot losses needed to make the playoffs) are shrinking. Believe it or not everyone still has a chance. If you are 4-7 and can win 2 and have some of these 5-6 teams lose the next 2? You are in. Even if you have a tie in your record you still have a chance as the tiebreaker is who has the most “Points For” between the tied teams. So get in as many points as you can then next 2 weeks.

Power Rankings Week 12

Believe it or not everyone still has a chance. If you are 4-7 and can win 2 and have some of these 5-6 teams lose the next 2? You are in. Even if you have a tie in your record you still have a chance as the tiebreaker is who has the most “Points For” between the tied teams. So get in as many points as you can then next 2 weeks. Here’s what the picture looks like this week:

Week 12 Playoff Picture

Have a great week everybody. I’m sure I’ll remind you all about the football extravaganza on Thanksgiving day.  May you and your families have a great Thanksgiving if I don’t talk at you prior.

2013 Week 11

Hope you all had a great week 10. Thank you to all the servicemen and Veteran's and their families who have sacrificed so much for the freedoms my family and I are afforded every day. Your service has afforded me the ability to provide for my family, exercise my beliefs, and even allows me to do the little things like writing this stupid blog. 

I wrote something last night which I thought was long and insightful and as I read it today it started to sound like a high school term paper. But not the kind of term paper with anything personal on it or with a vulnerability to endear anyone to it. More like a cross between Wikipedia and an over the top Amazon review:

Like this Mr. Mister "Welcome to the Real World" album review: http://www.amazon.com/review/R1Z05SFFACM46J/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000002WBS&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=

NOT this Mr. Mister review (although maybe I should try it next time): http://www.amazon.com/review/R395JRNKAMNKFF/ref=cm_cr_pr_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000002WBS&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=

I know I wrote plenty of papers for high school but honestly the only one I remember writing was for my German class. It was a fiction story completely in German. I could pick any subject I wanted. I picked OJ Simpson. And not the OJ that jumped over luggage. I don't even remember what the story was about, I just remember copying and pasting a grainy picture of a white Bronco in the middle of the paper, as if a jpg file was going to get me extra points. "Here's my OJ Simpson fan fiction completely in German, Frau Olsen. "A" please!" 

2 to 1 odds she called my guidance counselor and refused to grade it. I also named myself Helmut, ate some pickled herring, sang preschool songs, and shot a video impersonating Richard Simmons while gyrating in short shorts (no Nair involved) in my high school German class. So basically it was anything goes as far as I was concerned in my Ivy league prep German class.

So anyway here's the power rankings for this week. Props to Savannah Pickles who is the first get into the playoffs this year despite losing last week. It's been quite the run for the second year team and this team keeps making moves to set themselves up for the playoffs. This week it's #1 Pickles vs #2 Big Blows which could mean #1 seed for the playoffs. Big game.

I also want to call out the Silver Bullets and Team Kent who had convincing wins last week and who are surging in terms of points scored and over all opportunity to make a run to make the playoffs. We have 4 teams with 4-6 records so we'll be seeing quite the movement each week for a playoff spot. Every team is still in it and so it will make the last 3 weeks pretty entertaining...at least for me in my weird puppet master commissioner mind. Well here they are, take a look:

Power Rankings

Here's the playoff seedings so far. At this point the Bangers make the cut. Can they shake off the 4 teams under them? 

Just a reminder to all, not only do you need to win but they need to score points these last weeks. The playoff seeding tiebreaker is "Points For" so if you have a tie in terms of records the higher seed will be the team with the higher amount of points earned over the entire season.

Projected Playoff Seedings

Well, good luck this week, I guess since it's past most of the games, hope you had good luck this week. Since this post isn't the multimedia extravaganza it normally is, in honor of Veterans day, please to present:

I soooo wish this was my brother in law but of course it isn't. Although get a few in him and I'm thinking he's breaking out his Moves Like Jagger...75 year old Jagger heyooooooo. If he's reading this, this weeks blog is brought to you by a ghost writer, I'm not actually writing this week. The person writing this week is from Denmark... you wouldn't know him. Anyway, if I could move like this in sweatpants, let alone a uniform,  I would literally crash weddings every week. There is no public forum I wouldn't break out the boombox and start playing Billie Jean.

Going to work on my popping and locking right now. (Translation: shoulder is popping out of joint, and knees are involuntarily locking)

Have a good one everybody

2013 Week 10

Not much to say this week. Just wanted to get out the power rankings for this week. As I write, the Vikings won...and the Jags won. We had a chance folks, and we still have a chance. Maybe we’ll get Manziel, maybe we’ll still get the Duck. Maybe we’ll just bring back Gus Frerotte. But maybe, just maybe we can be so bad that we can get Teddy Bridgewater. Believe in your dreams everyone. Shout out to the Redskins who took one half to realize we were trying to tank and decided all that pass protection and tackling wasn’t needed anymore.

Well our league doesn’t allow tanking. In true David Stern fashion you can be the worst for a long time it’s just a matter of percentages as to what draft position you get. And when I say percentages,  I mean percent revenue received off of large market TV contracts. Congrats LA Clippers, Chicago Bulls, and Orlando Magic, you earned it! Also have you heard the rumors about Y2K and the moon landing? *quick clicks on the following link: http://bit.ly/Mnpz8q to get back to reality*

Well here’s the Power Rankings this week. I’ve also included the Magic Number for each team in the playoff race. This is basically the combination of wins by your team and losses from the last seed of the playoffs (currently Levanger’s Bangers) to lock up a playoff spot. So Savannah Pickles needs a win today or a loss by the Bangers to lock it up while Team Kent needs to almost win out or at least have one of those 4-5 teams to go on a 4 game losing streak. Good luck with all that. 

Special shout out to Team Kent. Not only has this team racked up over 1000 Point For and is 2nd only to Savannah in points this year but also leads the league in Points Against with over 1000. I’ve never seen anything like it. Will a large correction be on the horizon for the next 4 games with Payton Manning? Who in the 4-5 melee will make it to the playoffs? Will Mono Peligroso make another inevitable run to the championship no matter what his record is? What is a Mono? or a Peligroso for that matter?

All this to be answered in the weeks to come. Have a good one everybody.

2013 Week 9

Hi all,

Sorry I missed last week and technically I missed this week too. For what it’s worth my sister was inducted into the Faribault Sports Hall of Fame along with such greats as Bruce Smith and Mark Dusbabek. She is also part owner of the now 5-3 Let’s Get Physical team which is making a move up the standings. Granted she’s part owner the way Magic Johnson is part owner of the Dodgers or some dude in Sheboygan is part owner of the Packers. But nevertheless you are all separated by a degree from Faribault greatness.

This week I’m back although not necessarily on time. Or maybe just in time. I just got done watching the Texans shut down Andrew Luck and Trent Richardson for 3 quarters and man did I need both of those players to have bad nights in a different league I’m in. Only to see both players put up numbers at the end. Not the first time Andrew Luck has waited until the last moments of Sunday night to school my team. At least this time he didn’t throw pass to Reggie Wayne so terrible it tore up his knee:

...I’m not bitter.  This time he beat my team the honest way.   I now need 16 points from Brandon Marshall on Monday Night Football. Or what’s more is I need Josh McCown to somehow get him the ball...I’m in trouble. The last time I cared about what a guy named McCown did in a pro football game this happened:

http://youtu.be/mL8S4G9zFK8

There’s a 75% chance I will plow through the kids entire Halloween candy collection in 3 hours tomorrow night go into a blood sugar coma and wake up to find Devin Aromashadu came out of retirement and lead the Bears with 3 TDs .

Meanwhile McCown throws the ball at B Marsh’s head giving him a concussion and then immediately gets traded to the Vikings and spends the last part of the season hoping his 5 yard routes can get him 2 receptions a game from Christian Ponder. 

Then I go back to my coma. Note to self: get a healthy coping mechanism like situps or vegetables.

Well, it’s Week 9 and we only have 4 more weeks until the playoffs and based on how close the records are its anyone’s chance to get one of those 8 spots. And we know from past seasons, once you make it in anything can happen. So if the playoffs started right now, here’s the seeding:

Here's the link to the Projected playoff page if you want to see the whole picture: 

http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/h2hplayoffs?leagueId=310468

Even the juggernaut Savannah Pickles still has to win this week and next week to ensure a playoff spot or get some loss by the bottom teams. I’m sure I did the magic number thing last year so I’ll probably break that out again.

Just like always here’s the Power Rankings below: What’s interesting is there’s not much movement from last weeks to this weeks. Props to Replacement Refs for the 2 spot jump and Props to Team Kent for finally winning one after a nasty losing streak despite having the highest scoring team in the league for almost the entire season. Not sure how that’s possible but it is. Watch out for Team Kent in  the home stretch everybody.

Thanks again for everyone playing hope between the ups and downs of fantasy football, the family/friend/SS league rivalries that have developed, and this page you are enjoying the season. It’s fun to have a connection with all of you through a format like this. Everyone has been fantastically competitive and gracious this season and previous ones.

Hope you all didn’t get bit by the bye week bug too much this week. Have a good one.

Week 8

No post here this week just the power rankings for Week 8:

2013 Super Bowl Shuffle Week 7

Hello all,

Believe it or not we’re half way through the 2013 Superbowl Shuffle regular season. It’s gone so fast Gronkowski has stopped clubbing and is playing football on an actual field. It’s gone so fast, Percy Harvin is practicing and is 1 week away from complaining about his quarterback. . It’s gone so fast, somebody two hand touched Demarco Murray and now he’s injured again. It’s gone so fast there’s a new iPhone AND an new iPad out. It’s gone so fast anything from 2010 is now considered retro (skinny jeans, Justin Bieber, Shake Weight, this blog)  It’s gone so fast, some sucker GM took a flyer on Josh Freeman.

Either I have whatever that guy had in the movie “Momento” or I’m getting old but I can’t even list out the major milestones in the NFL so far this season. Peyton Manning plays for team Papa Johns maybe? Has Miles Austin retired? I seriously don’t know. This has happened to me in more than just this league.

So while I was cleaning yesterday I found some of the stuff we’ve hidden away. Some of this stuff I haven’t looked at in 10-15 years. One of the things I broke out for my son Isaac was my card collection. I’m sure I started collecting these when I his age. I wasn’t a big collector but I was big into sports. I was a sports geek no doubt and collecting cards was an extension of this. 

I had the normal baseball cards but I also extensively collected football and basketball cards. My most valuable cards (Lawrence Taylor and Jerry Rice rookie) are football cards. This brought me back to buying the packs and never knowing what you’d get inside. Having to wipe of the residue of bubble gum since they still included bubblegum in them. I even tried to sell them at garage sales. 

This was a helpful way to jog my memory but it wasn’t enough. There was plenty I never remembered. Like for some reason I have golf cards. That’s right, nothing beats the excitement of opening the wrapper and discovering you are a proud owner of Paul Azinger, Fuzzy Zoeller, Fred Couples, and Tom Kite cards. No need to take out a loan kids, I’m just going to hand the financial counselor this Craig Stadler card and you’ll be set.

But that’s not all, I also discovered I have WWE wrestling cards. What possible stats would be on the back of these? Did you say none? How did you know?

And finally I have Yo! MTV Raps cards. That’s right I have cards for early 90’s rappers. I’ll trade you my 3rd Bass card for your Biz Markie card. Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel goes pop!

So here’s the standings as of this week:

Standings

Below is the Power rankings for this week. To note, the previous is from 2 weeks ago thanks due to my mid season siesta. I’ve also given a mid season breakdown for each team. Hope you like it. Let the BCS type debate begin!

Power Rankings

1 Savannah Pickles - A quarter of this league is brother’s in law. This one’s making a serious run for 2013 MVBIL (Most Valuable Brother In Law) with a strong showing the first 6 weeks with the resurgence of Matthew Stafford and LeSean McCoy. And watch out for Jordy Nelson now that injuries to the Green Bay receiver core have left him at the #1 spot. Watch out everybody.

2 Big Blows - Unlike the Baltimore Ravens, this defending champ picked up where he left off last year and has done so with a 3 wide receiver set, Ryan from the Office, and a guy whose parents actually named him Knowshon. Will he be able to survive the rest of the regular season with 3 teams hot on his trail.

3 Levanger's Bangers - These guys are like MN sports teams. Even in the down years MN sports teams are still competitive. Sometimes that means winning just enough to beat a desperate Redskins team when you had a chance at getting the 2nd pick in the draft which would have been RG# and then in the meantime seriously injuring your star player. Hey at least we won that meaningless game with Christian Ponder at the helm. I’m not bitter. This is not one of those years for the Bangers as Romo, Desean Jackson, and Arian Foster are for real. Question is can Roddy White make a comeback.

4 Mono Peligroso - This is the first controversial pick as there are 2 other teams with a better record ranked lower. But because he’s got a substantial “Points For” right now in comparison to those with a better record, he made #4. I vote we make this guy change his name to the New England Patriots. This is the first dynasty team of the SS league and, like Bill Belichek or that Bear Grylls guy, he makes due with what’s available to him. . (Coincidentally he dresses like both of them too). Currently He’s got 5 of his 9 players on his starting lineup picked off the waiver wire. That’s a “I have a volleyball that I talk to like a human being” type of survival mode.

5 Let's Get Physical - Another B-in law, I predict this team will go on a run. I have 5 reasons to think so. Rivers, Lacy, Bryant, Decker, Thomas. That’s either a shady injury law firm or a formula for fantasy success this year.

6 Spatula City Spatulas - Maybe getting bounced to middle of the pack with a 4-2 record will create a large divot on the shoulder of this owner. The “Points for” is lower and the “Points Against” is lower too. This basically means there’s a fork in the road here. Does this team start producing points or does this team start meeting up with teams who will produce against them. One thing I know is like tryptophan, from top to bottom it has sleeper picks written all over it. Also it wins the Longest Yard award for most suspensions in a starting lineup. Accepting the award for the team are Josh Gordon and Justin Blackmon. Congrats!

7 Team Boy's Club - This team started the season as a TD dependent team and in large part still is. They’ve navigated to a winning record even with a lower “Points For” so far thanks to Russell Wilson. Will they stay winning with key injuries to Randall Cobb and Steven Jackson. Let’s see if anyone else steps up.

8 Replacement Refs - This team had a strong start and when Brady and AP slowed down so did the team. With Gronk back and B-Marsh on top of his game this team has the star power to make the jump back to the top. This team won’t stay 3-3 for long.

9 Team Kent - This team is crazy. First this team is 1-5. So why is this guy # 9? Well, this team has the 2nd highest “Points For” in the league but also has the highest “Points Against” in the entire league by 33 points. Talk about bad matchups so far. If there’s anything I know about PA and PF is there is always a correction. I feel back for whatever team has to face him in the 2nd half of the season. Someone will have to pay for this. Glad it’s not me. Good luck with all that!

10 Rain Dancer - I will name this team the “I should have but didn’t pan out” All Stars. One team every year seems to harbor all the top underperforming players for the year so that other teams don’t have to keep them on their lineup. Rain Dancer is the warehouse for this right now. I think you all should pay a membership fee to this team for storing these guys for the year. Somebody will bounce back though.We’ll see.

11 Team Cantona - Tough “Luck” for this team. Am I right? Get it?.... see what I did there?.....I feel sick. Rookie of the year last year has fallen on hard times this season even with a strong start to 2013 for Jamaal Charles. Greg Jennings could be benefiting from a new QB. And Ruben Randle has the talent to get them back on track

12 Hernandez's Silver Bullets-  Can’t say this isn’t a familiar place for this team. However this year he’s got a solid PF and the second highest PA. This ratio can and will correct itself. It’s just a matter of how much. No team with Drew Brees and Wes Welker could possible stay in the basement all season right?.....Am I right?....Is this mic on?....

Hopefully you are enjoying the power rankings. Keep in mind they are designed to identify the strongest teams for the rest of the season. And if you had a problem with my rankings, you can do 2 things:

1. Use 1800-Collect to reach someone who cares (I’m kidding! (Not Kidding) no really I’m kidding)

2. Just see how ESPN decided to rank the teams based on their proprietary “formula.” A 1-5 team is number 2 in the power rankings and there are 4 teams with a 500 or better record in the bottom 6. ESPN may need find a different formula in Excel ASAP (vlookup maybe?).  See below: 

Well that wraps this weekHope everybody is having a good Sunday! Good luck to all!

Ryan

2013 Week 4

‘Ello Guvna!  

I seen on me mobile while I’m hangin in me flat there’s a wee bit o’ American footie on the Wembley pitch wit some clubs called the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Minnesota Vikings. Blimey! These dodgy blokes got plenty of bangers and mash in ‘em an’ they spen’ all they time in a ruck wit’ one anutha in tight knckers,  wit a ball that looks rubbish, mate. I mean these chaps only kick the ball a few times each match an they got scores wit double digit goals and when the clock runs out of time the game actually ends! Cheeky Monkeys!

Wha is a field goal anyway? In real football every bloddy goal is a field goal. Next thing ya know I’ll find out they don’t even have a spot of tea wit jam and bread between periods and don’t act like they just got shot in the leg every time a player is touched.

I’m absolutely sure they would never have long sections in the game where nothing really happens and everyone has lost a half an hour of their lives as a result like we do. And there’s no way their fans are so off one’s trolley they get knackered and fight with each other, and riot in the streets after a big win….Wait they do? Me and me mate may need to jump in a lorrey and pop in to this match to learn more bits n bobs about this game.

If Wayne Rooney was on one of these teams he would give all these blokes a good rogering and leave Ben Roethlisberger and Adrian Peterson snookered. Tossers! Maybe we can grab a pint and some fish and chips at the pub before we go and watch.  An’ then these American wankers can pack it in and sod off! An’ don’t even get me started on this fantasy football bullocks. Blimey!

God Save the Queen!

Here’s the power rankings for this week:

There were quite a few big jumps both in for good and for bad. Savannah Pickles has been dealing so far this year with a dominating performance last week in being 1 of 2 teams to outscore the rest of the league by 30 and by leading the “Points For” category in the league by 50. Stafford and McCoy are back to form and since I didn’t draft Jimmy Graham in any league this year, he’s back to being the number one tight end in the league. Team Kent and Levanger’s Banger’s have also made a jump this week as this Peyton Manning kid is showing some promise and Romo and Desean Jackson have clearly figured something out. Condolences to Let’s get physical and Rain Dancer who both have RB problems but ultimately have scoring points problems. And since they are my brothers in law, they have a whole host of other problems I won’t even get into. Let’s hope they can pick it up in Superbowl Shuffle as it may be all they have going for them right now.

See the standings and the Points info below:

Here’s to everyone putting another shrimp on the barbie today!