2013 Week 9

Hi all,

Sorry I missed last week and technically I missed this week too. For what it’s worth my sister was inducted into the Faribault Sports Hall of Fame along with such greats as Bruce Smith and Mark Dusbabek. She is also part owner of the now 5-3 Let’s Get Physical team which is making a move up the standings. Granted she’s part owner the way Magic Johnson is part owner of the Dodgers or some dude in Sheboygan is part owner of the Packers. But nevertheless you are all separated by a degree from Faribault greatness.

This week I’m back although not necessarily on time. Or maybe just in time. I just got done watching the Texans shut down Andrew Luck and Trent Richardson for 3 quarters and man did I need both of those players to have bad nights in a different league I’m in. Only to see both players put up numbers at the end. Not the first time Andrew Luck has waited until the last moments of Sunday night to school my team. At least this time he didn’t throw pass to Reggie Wayne so terrible it tore up his knee:

...I’m not bitter.  This time he beat my team the honest way.   I now need 16 points from Brandon Marshall on Monday Night Football. Or what’s more is I need Josh McCown to somehow get him the ball...I’m in trouble. The last time I cared about what a guy named McCown did in a pro football game this happened:

http://youtu.be/mL8S4G9zFK8

There’s a 75% chance I will plow through the kids entire Halloween candy collection in 3 hours tomorrow night go into a blood sugar coma and wake up to find Devin Aromashadu came out of retirement and lead the Bears with 3 TDs .

Meanwhile McCown throws the ball at B Marsh’s head giving him a concussion and then immediately gets traded to the Vikings and spends the last part of the season hoping his 5 yard routes can get him 2 receptions a game from Christian Ponder. 

Then I go back to my coma. Note to self: get a healthy coping mechanism like situps or vegetables.

Well, it’s Week 9 and we only have 4 more weeks until the playoffs and based on how close the records are its anyone’s chance to get one of those 8 spots. And we know from past seasons, once you make it in anything can happen. So if the playoffs started right now, here’s the seeding:

Here's the link to the Projected playoff page if you want to see the whole picture: 

http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/h2hplayoffs?leagueId=310468

Even the juggernaut Savannah Pickles still has to win this week and next week to ensure a playoff spot or get some loss by the bottom teams. I’m sure I did the magic number thing last year so I’ll probably break that out again.

Just like always here’s the Power Rankings below: What’s interesting is there’s not much movement from last weeks to this weeks. Props to Replacement Refs for the 2 spot jump and Props to Team Kent for finally winning one after a nasty losing streak despite having the highest scoring team in the league for almost the entire season. Not sure how that’s possible but it is. Watch out for Team Kent in  the home stretch everybody.

Thanks again for everyone playing hope between the ups and downs of fantasy football, the family/friend/SS league rivalries that have developed, and this page you are enjoying the season. It’s fun to have a connection with all of you through a format like this. Everyone has been fantastically competitive and gracious this season and previous ones.

Hope you all didn’t get bit by the bye week bug too much this week. Have a good one.

Week 8

No post here this week just the power rankings for Week 8:

2013 Super Bowl Shuffle Week 7

Hello all,

Believe it or not we’re half way through the 2013 Superbowl Shuffle regular season. It’s gone so fast Gronkowski has stopped clubbing and is playing football on an actual field. It’s gone so fast, Percy Harvin is practicing and is 1 week away from complaining about his quarterback. . It’s gone so fast, somebody two hand touched Demarco Murray and now he’s injured again. It’s gone so fast there’s a new iPhone AND an new iPad out. It’s gone so fast anything from 2010 is now considered retro (skinny jeans, Justin Bieber, Shake Weight, this blog)  It’s gone so fast, some sucker GM took a flyer on Josh Freeman.

Either I have whatever that guy had in the movie “Momento” or I’m getting old but I can’t even list out the major milestones in the NFL so far this season. Peyton Manning plays for team Papa Johns maybe? Has Miles Austin retired? I seriously don’t know. This has happened to me in more than just this league.

So while I was cleaning yesterday I found some of the stuff we’ve hidden away. Some of this stuff I haven’t looked at in 10-15 years. One of the things I broke out for my son Isaac was my card collection. I’m sure I started collecting these when I his age. I wasn’t a big collector but I was big into sports. I was a sports geek no doubt and collecting cards was an extension of this. 

I had the normal baseball cards but I also extensively collected football and basketball cards. My most valuable cards (Lawrence Taylor and Jerry Rice rookie) are football cards. This brought me back to buying the packs and never knowing what you’d get inside. Having to wipe of the residue of bubble gum since they still included bubblegum in them. I even tried to sell them at garage sales. 

This was a helpful way to jog my memory but it wasn’t enough. There was plenty I never remembered. Like for some reason I have golf cards. That’s right, nothing beats the excitement of opening the wrapper and discovering you are a proud owner of Paul Azinger, Fuzzy Zoeller, Fred Couples, and Tom Kite cards. No need to take out a loan kids, I’m just going to hand the financial counselor this Craig Stadler card and you’ll be set.

But that’s not all, I also discovered I have WWE wrestling cards. What possible stats would be on the back of these? Did you say none? How did you know?

And finally I have Yo! MTV Raps cards. That’s right I have cards for early 90’s rappers. I’ll trade you my 3rd Bass card for your Biz Markie card. Pop goes the weasel cause the weasel goes pop!

So here’s the standings as of this week:

Standings

Below is the Power rankings for this week. To note, the previous is from 2 weeks ago thanks due to my mid season siesta. I’ve also given a mid season breakdown for each team. Hope you like it. Let the BCS type debate begin!

Power Rankings

1 Savannah Pickles - A quarter of this league is brother’s in law. This one’s making a serious run for 2013 MVBIL (Most Valuable Brother In Law) with a strong showing the first 6 weeks with the resurgence of Matthew Stafford and LeSean McCoy. And watch out for Jordy Nelson now that injuries to the Green Bay receiver core have left him at the #1 spot. Watch out everybody.

2 Big Blows - Unlike the Baltimore Ravens, this defending champ picked up where he left off last year and has done so with a 3 wide receiver set, Ryan from the Office, and a guy whose parents actually named him Knowshon. Will he be able to survive the rest of the regular season with 3 teams hot on his trail.

3 Levanger's Bangers - These guys are like MN sports teams. Even in the down years MN sports teams are still competitive. Sometimes that means winning just enough to beat a desperate Redskins team when you had a chance at getting the 2nd pick in the draft which would have been RG# and then in the meantime seriously injuring your star player. Hey at least we won that meaningless game with Christian Ponder at the helm. I’m not bitter. This is not one of those years for the Bangers as Romo, Desean Jackson, and Arian Foster are for real. Question is can Roddy White make a comeback.

4 Mono Peligroso - This is the first controversial pick as there are 2 other teams with a better record ranked lower. But because he’s got a substantial “Points For” right now in comparison to those with a better record, he made #4. I vote we make this guy change his name to the New England Patriots. This is the first dynasty team of the SS league and, like Bill Belichek or that Bear Grylls guy, he makes due with what’s available to him. . (Coincidentally he dresses like both of them too). Currently He’s got 5 of his 9 players on his starting lineup picked off the waiver wire. That’s a “I have a volleyball that I talk to like a human being” type of survival mode.

5 Let's Get Physical - Another B-in law, I predict this team will go on a run. I have 5 reasons to think so. Rivers, Lacy, Bryant, Decker, Thomas. That’s either a shady injury law firm or a formula for fantasy success this year.

6 Spatula City Spatulas - Maybe getting bounced to middle of the pack with a 4-2 record will create a large divot on the shoulder of this owner. The “Points for” is lower and the “Points Against” is lower too. This basically means there’s a fork in the road here. Does this team start producing points or does this team start meeting up with teams who will produce against them. One thing I know is like tryptophan, from top to bottom it has sleeper picks written all over it. Also it wins the Longest Yard award for most suspensions in a starting lineup. Accepting the award for the team are Josh Gordon and Justin Blackmon. Congrats!

7 Team Boy's Club - This team started the season as a TD dependent team and in large part still is. They’ve navigated to a winning record even with a lower “Points For” so far thanks to Russell Wilson. Will they stay winning with key injuries to Randall Cobb and Steven Jackson. Let’s see if anyone else steps up.

8 Replacement Refs - This team had a strong start and when Brady and AP slowed down so did the team. With Gronk back and B-Marsh on top of his game this team has the star power to make the jump back to the top. This team won’t stay 3-3 for long.

9 Team Kent - This team is crazy. First this team is 1-5. So why is this guy # 9? Well, this team has the 2nd highest “Points For” in the league but also has the highest “Points Against” in the entire league by 33 points. Talk about bad matchups so far. If there’s anything I know about PA and PF is there is always a correction. I feel back for whatever team has to face him in the 2nd half of the season. Someone will have to pay for this. Glad it’s not me. Good luck with all that!

10 Rain Dancer - I will name this team the “I should have but didn’t pan out” All Stars. One team every year seems to harbor all the top underperforming players for the year so that other teams don’t have to keep them on their lineup. Rain Dancer is the warehouse for this right now. I think you all should pay a membership fee to this team for storing these guys for the year. Somebody will bounce back though.We’ll see.

11 Team Cantona - Tough “Luck” for this team. Am I right? Get it?.... see what I did there?.....I feel sick. Rookie of the year last year has fallen on hard times this season even with a strong start to 2013 for Jamaal Charles. Greg Jennings could be benefiting from a new QB. And Ruben Randle has the talent to get them back on track

12 Hernandez's Silver Bullets-  Can’t say this isn’t a familiar place for this team. However this year he’s got a solid PF and the second highest PA. This ratio can and will correct itself. It’s just a matter of how much. No team with Drew Brees and Wes Welker could possible stay in the basement all season right?.....Am I right?....Is this mic on?....

Hopefully you are enjoying the power rankings. Keep in mind they are designed to identify the strongest teams for the rest of the season. And if you had a problem with my rankings, you can do 2 things:

1. Use 1800-Collect to reach someone who cares (I’m kidding! (Not Kidding) no really I’m kidding)

2. Just see how ESPN decided to rank the teams based on their proprietary “formula.” A 1-5 team is number 2 in the power rankings and there are 4 teams with a 500 or better record in the bottom 6. ESPN may need find a different formula in Excel ASAP (vlookup maybe?).  See below: 

Well that wraps this weekHope everybody is having a good Sunday! Good luck to all!

Ryan

2013 Week 4

‘Ello Guvna!  

I seen on me mobile while I’m hangin in me flat there’s a wee bit o’ American footie on the Wembley pitch wit some clubs called the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Minnesota Vikings. Blimey! These dodgy blokes got plenty of bangers and mash in ‘em an’ they spen’ all they time in a ruck wit’ one anutha in tight knckers,  wit a ball that looks rubbish, mate. I mean these chaps only kick the ball a few times each match an they got scores wit double digit goals and when the clock runs out of time the game actually ends! Cheeky Monkeys!

Wha is a field goal anyway? In real football every bloddy goal is a field goal. Next thing ya know I’ll find out they don’t even have a spot of tea wit jam and bread between periods and don’t act like they just got shot in the leg every time a player is touched.

I’m absolutely sure they would never have long sections in the game where nothing really happens and everyone has lost a half an hour of their lives as a result like we do. And there’s no way their fans are so off one’s trolley they get knackered and fight with each other, and riot in the streets after a big win….Wait they do? Me and me mate may need to jump in a lorrey and pop in to this match to learn more bits n bobs about this game.

If Wayne Rooney was on one of these teams he would give all these blokes a good rogering and leave Ben Roethlisberger and Adrian Peterson snookered. Tossers! Maybe we can grab a pint and some fish and chips at the pub before we go and watch.  An’ then these American wankers can pack it in and sod off! An’ don’t even get me started on this fantasy football bullocks. Blimey!

God Save the Queen!

Here’s the power rankings for this week:

There were quite a few big jumps both in for good and for bad. Savannah Pickles has been dealing so far this year with a dominating performance last week in being 1 of 2 teams to outscore the rest of the league by 30 and by leading the “Points For” category in the league by 50. Stafford and McCoy are back to form and since I didn’t draft Jimmy Graham in any league this year, he’s back to being the number one tight end in the league. Team Kent and Levanger’s Banger’s have also made a jump this week as this Peyton Manning kid is showing some promise and Romo and Desean Jackson have clearly figured something out. Condolences to Let’s get physical and Rain Dancer who both have RB problems but ultimately have scoring points problems. And since they are my brothers in law, they have a whole host of other problems I won’t even get into. Let’s hope they can pick it up in Superbowl Shuffle as it may be all they have going for them right now.

See the standings and the Points info below:

Here’s to everyone putting another shrimp on the barbie today!

2013 Week 3

You guys were all around in the 90s right? I'm imagining nodding heads so I'm just going to go with it. You all remember the Matt Foley "Van Down By the River" sketch from the late Chris Farley on SNL? I remember at the time I actually didn't see the sketch when it first came out but there was a buzz around it that made me want so badly to see it. . If you can imagine, it would be about a month before I even got to see with my own eyes what the big deal was. Unless you set your VCR plus to the right code from your TV guide to record SNL every Saturday you were out of luck. 

What would have been considered "viral" back then was your friends, schoolmates, and coworkers. If you were a big fan and could stay up that late to watch every Saturday night it was exciting to be on the ground floor of latest comedy fad. Whether it was Adam Sandler's "Crazy Pickle Mustache" or "Celebrity Jeopardy" or "Bad Idea Jeans" or even "Colon Blow" you either were in the know or were part of the group who only heard about it and hoped you could get someone to record it so you could figure out what the big deal was. I still have a VCR tape of when Jim Carrey hosted SNL for the first time and I'm not erasing it. Even if he's been a bummer for the 15 years.

Matt Foley: http://www.hulu.com/watch/4183

Well I'm certain those times are long gone with the advent of the interlinks, with it's Googler and it's Utoob. It's just the dream of everyone who loved sketch comedy, or TV, or movies, or really any media that has or will ever happen to have instant and constant access to what everyone else is talking about. Not that they are even talking about it, just forwarding or posting it, which takes little imagination and even less time to do. 

Amid the deluge of media and the buzz saturated Internet I found something that has easily been the funniest thing since the days of tuning into SNL or In Living Colour in the 90s when they always seemed to catch lightning in a bottle. 

I've now watched this 15 times I bet and it still gets me to laugh out loud. Does anyone really do that much anymore when watching anything funny? I don't. The best you can get out of me is some kind of creepy chuckle if anything's funny. Check it out:

In the intro to the video, which is not on Youtube, Key and Peele talk about how they came up with the idea when they heard the name of New York Jets left tackle D'Brickashaw Ferguson. His name sounds like what a mason would do to upgrade a bicycle cart and also exists in the Pantheon of "There's no way that's real" football player names which includes Atari Bigby, Barkevious Mingo, John David Booty, Baccari Rambo, and Akbar Gbaja-Biamila. 

I think I've said enough. Love this video, pure genius.

Let's take a look at the power rankings for this week:

Last week seemed to be the equalizer with 2 teams undefeated so far and 2 teams defeated (0-2) with the rest of the league 1-1. See the standings below:

And the scoring totals so far:

It's manifest destiny out there for playoff spots. Lots of season left to turn things around.  Good luck this week!

2013 Week 2

Hi all,

Didn't get time this week to dive into our league much. Here's the rankings for Week 2 without much explanation. Sorry for posting them so late. I promise nothing that happened in Week 2 influenced the rankings. I know you are all really worried about it, I'm sure. :)

Also here's the standings so far.

See you all next week

2013 Week 1

Hey all,

I'm rejuving the blog thing that I went away from last year. That being said I think my ability to write 5000 words each Sunday has been compromised by a lethal 3 child, housework, work work, husband schedule that continually reprioritizes my life but more importantly reprioritizes my brain. I'm shocked I've thought of this much to say so far. I do have some thoughts I'd like to get down. We'll see if it happens this year. I hope I don't disappoint.

Here's something that does not disappoint (ok maybe a little):

This year I'll set up some power rankings, not that they hold any weight but more just to provoke. Bulletin board material if you will. Here's the rankings this week:

1. Replacement Refs - AP, BMarsh, Cecil "Eat My" Shorts, TB (tuberculosis?). He had a great draft (or should I say the ESPN robot who drafted for him did?) This should pay off in some wins.
2. Team Boy's Club - This is a TD team through and through and there will be a lot of TD from each player in this lineup.
3. Team Kent- Peyton Manning all ready happened. Who knew his best performance this year wasn't going to be selling pizzas? Now I'm hungry... Calvin Johnson, MJD, Reggie Wayne...I rest my case.
4. Let's Get Physical - This is a high upside team with potential. Potential to dominant and then potential to fail. Lacy should be good...if they hand him the ball. Alfred Morris should continue from last season...if there is a passing game. Eli Manning could make the Eli face and gift wrap the football to the D or he may be brilliant. And Dez and Julio will have gigantic years if Miles Austin and Roddy White don't.
5. Rain Dancer - There is so much quality in RBs this team may have been #2 in this list but injuries could be an issue as RG3 is a huge question mark, AJ Green sat out the preseason, and Andre Johnson who has always looked 49 years old...actually is now
6. Savannah Pickles - The top 3 players (McCoy, Forte, and Graham) will be better this year than last year and Stafford will be solid and will have a running game now. Richardson, Wallace and Nelson are the weak spots and also are solid names for a partners in an Injury law firm.
7. Mono Peligroso - I can't deny how huge Kap, Beast Mode, and Bush will be this year. I love Tate but will he be any good without terrible refs who miss obvious end zone calls? Vereen and Sudfeld should be good this year but we're dealing with Belichek and he's grimy, sweatstained sweatshirt.
8.  Levangers Bangers - Romo shold have a big year. The rest of the team doesn't look like much of a guarantee. Foster will share carries but will be top 10. Gore has always been consistent but when will it end. Roddy White has been injured and shares the field with Jones. Smith just became an AARP member. We'll see.
9. Team Cantona - Charles is the leader here and Chris Johnson is on the comeback. Andrew Luck is supposed to be even better this year. The problem? Darren McFadden and Christian Pond...I mean Greg Jennings may put the "Can't" in Cantona
10. Big Blows  - Ryan from the Office will have a bounce back year and be the number one QB this year. Most likely because of the trash Greg Jennings is talking. Doug Martin will be great again and the WRs are very very solid. The glaring weakness is Ryan Mathews who heads up the Ryan Mathews all stars which includes him, Shonn Greene, Mark Ingram, and Darren McFadden. This honor goes to RBs who everyone eventually says "Why did I draft this guy again?"
11. Hernandez's Silver Bullets - Tie - I couldn't decide between these two teams. HSB has anchors in Brees and Ray Rice. Welker looked solid the first week but will he be the primary option every week? Then it gets dicey. Williams is all the Panthers have and Antonio Brown is all that the Steelers have but that doesn't mean much when you have to actually make plays. We'll see...
11. Spatula City Spatulas - Tie - Matt Ryan will pass a lot and Trent Richardson will run a lot. But everyone else has unrealized talent. In fact 3 of them don't even start which is an issue. This would be a great keeper league team but Week 1 there will be struggles. Maybe the rest of the year these teams will utilize this talent the way they should.

Let's have John come in here and give us some words of wisdom for this week:

Someone IS blowing a whistle, John

Have a good week everyone.

Ryan